Bottom line, if you mess with my loved ones, you are no friend of mine. None of this “Oh she didnt do anything to me personally” or “I dont have a problem with him, he was never mean to me.” No. My loved ones are an extension of me, so when you betray/disrespect/dishonor/abuse/fuck-over/hurt anyone whom i LOVE, you did it to me. And that doesnt mean i expect that from...
I dont want to wash my weave. My mom finally let me take my piano from my old bedroom, and bring it here. I cant feel the melodies storming in my head!
I dont know why i dont have the heart to tell Garrett im living with Nik. He came in for a haircut recently, and we talked about random shit, and she smiled at me all big in the mirror and then left. Nik doesnt understand the notion of being friends with an ex, because his one and only major ex girlfriend is a complete and utter distasteful emotionally whacked crack head, so to speak. Garrett...
Work in progress...
All of the anxiety from the day seemed to slip away. Her blood surged through her body, and caused her each and every hair to stand on end. “What is it?” She knew she’d cave at his first touch. “Would you like to come to San Francisco with me this weekend?” Her eyebrows arched themselves without permission, and she regained control of them, relaxing them, and trying not to show how truly caught...
Someday…. I’ll figure it out. Ill tip the waitress a hundred dollars, and i’ll buy a mercedes benz. Someday…. I’ll have what i need. I’ll rock my baby to sleep, and i’ll watch her grow up. Soon, Ill be old. Soon, Ill be old.
So its sunday, and im wondering how i am going to do seven THOUSAND loads of laundry by myself. Like WHY DO CLOTHES GET DIRTY??? Its my best friend and roommate’s birthday tomorrow. He’s sitting on the couch Kak’d as hell and closing one eye like a pirate trying to text. He’s darling. Being on my own is so stressful? No one warned me? I feel like im constantly paying...
Anonymous asked: You're making a mistake! You should be with me...
I Just need a lot of things.
Fuck yo' couch
The couch got delivered today. This awesome black leather sectional with a ottoman and everything. Its so swagged out and huge and gorgeous. Damn, we got so lucky having my best friend justin as a roommate. Besides the fact that he is cleanly and pleasant, his mom and dad HOOKED it up. Like, so much. It made me real jealous and kinda bummed, in a backwards way. I always hoped when i moved...
Anonymous asked: I definitely think we could be friends. We have a million mutual friends but we've never met. And the fact that I now read your blog probably throws me into the creep pile. But I would love to have a friend like you.
Dont throw a fit
We could be friends.
I sometimes wonder who people really are. I sometimes wonder who i really am. Like, im so sure of myself, and then i look in the mirror and go ….”Who the fuck?” Am i the only one who has crisis-moments like these where i shimmy and shake right out of all my clothes and plan my future plastic surgeries and hope to god i still have somewhat of a figure when im 50..? Is it just...
Anonymous asked: since when do you get high?
Anonymous asked: saw that coming
Anonymous asked: you're engaged?!
So, hey. Im pretty sure that i am the happiest i have ever been. Nik is lying in my bed, well, our bed, and my nails are like 10 inches long. Its incredible. I look at my hands sometimes and im like “maybe ill just get short nails.” YES, i am so happy that i just drive around and think about my nails. Bri and Holly’s passing really reminded me that i need to live life in a...
im in love
We got through this.
No words can describe last night’s emotions. i am really not ready for today. Two funerals? im heart broken.
Anonymous asked: you are NOT a model, and you are NOT famous, you ARE delusional.
And if i may,
Its times like these where i think about Vanna. She didnt respond to my invite to my house warming party, and every time i look at her facebook (which is rare, with good reason) i want to throw things. Why does she ignore me? Two young girls i was friends with passed away this week, and i miss them. But she and i were friends for 6 years, and its like Im already dead to her, and she doesnt...
My favorite memory of you Holly, was when we were getting ready for retrofest, and we were sitting in your car listening to Miley Cyrus’ song “see you again” on repeat. Singing super loud, attempting harmonies and goofing off. And then we were so nervous, we took shots in the bathroom before we went on stage. We went to Jan’s for lunch a few times, and every time i was out...
My favorite memory was of you and I driving through the sea cliff center, smoking cigarettes underaged. You blew a stop sign, and when i pointed that out you said “Stop signs are just suggestions, and i choose not to take suggestions from strangers.” Literally probably quoted that a million times. You always smelled like tons of perfume and called me pezzy. I had no idea i would miss...
I bought flowers for Holly today. I walked into the flower shop and picked out a few beautiful flowers i have a feeling she would have liked. I didnt even manage to pay for them without bursting into tears. The woman behind the counter asked me if i wanted to write a card for the flowers and with shaky hands i wrote out To Holly, We will miss you so much. You were beautiful and amazing. I...
I was scrubbing the stove top last night and it just hit me. I leaned against the fridge and began to cry. Why did this happen to holly? Why is bri gone? Two weeks ago nik and i were driving and i began to cry. I really couldnt figure out why, but i just felt this overwhelming sense of loss. I kept telling him “Something awful is going to happen soon, i know it.” For the last two...
I literally cannot believe this.
I got the call that another one of my friends passed away last night. Im still reeling and shaken up that two people in the same class, the same school, and the same Commercial And Recording Arts Department as me, passed away in the same week. Holly Barish and i used to go off campus for lunch together when i was a junior. I remember one night before a show we were performing at, we took shots...
Lord, these words i beg of you....
Today nik and i did laundry at the laundry-mat. It was a nice and relaxing just sitting there watching our clothes spin around after a night like last night. We had our first and last party at our apartment last night. Things were so great until i woke up with my eyelashes on, a head ache, and the news that someone had thrown beer bottles off the balcony and also on to our landlords front...
check me out
Nik and I had our family over for dinner tonight. And when I say family i mean his step mom and sisters, my bro & sis. Also, my Mom, Dad, Step Mom, Grandpa and brother’s girlfriend too. Oh and my Mom’s boyfriend, Pep. It was pretty rad being able to have everyone in the same room, even if they all didnt exactly talk. It was still so much fun. Everyone was excited for us and loved...
Trippin out, ya'll!
My housewarming party is on saturday! If you know me, you know i LIVE to entertain. Duh, read my blog. Anyways, im really excited to have people over in MY house! My rules! No mean nasty kak’d people can walk into MY HOUSE! HA! Im tripping out, guys. Remember when i went to portland to visit my friends Easton and Brittany? Ya, well Brittany had just auditioned for American idol, and...
I get myself really worked up over nothing sometimes. And i sit there and go “i hope you rot in hell. i hope you fucking choke. i fucking hate you.” and then i take a breath, and i still mean it. I hope you rot in hell. No one ever did what you did to me.