I got the call that another one of my friends passed away last night.

Im still reeling and shaken up that two people in the same class, the same school, and the same Commercial And Recording Arts Department as me, passed away in the same week.

Holly Barish and i used to go off campus for lunch together when i was a junior. I remember one night before a show we were performing at, we took shots of cheap vodka in the bathroom stall together. She was spunky, crazy and also incredibly weird! She and i only hung out over a year span, but we managed to make a few really funny memories.

She was stunning. Thin, blonde, big eyes, incredible fashion sense, and so much more.

I walked into starbucks right after i got the call, and had a flash of Holly standing behind the bar, being weird and making drinks. She was the coolest chick to ever work at starbucks, for sure.

The woman behind the counter asked me if i was alright, and with tears in my eyes i said i was, and left without even getting a drink.

I broke down and lost it when i was alone.

Im freaking the fuck out. Haley Butcher, Bri, Holly… who else?

Please god, no one else.

I feel so angry and confused.

 I feel like i should have asked holly to hang out more, i feel like i should have asked bri to hang out more.

I feel like i should have told bri she was beautiful and talented more, and told holly how much i appreciated her taking me under her wing, and taking me to lunch.

How on EARTH do these people’s family feel?

How do their closest friends, their pets, their admirers even cope?

I hardly spoke to the two girls in the last year, and I cant get them out of my mind now….

Its times like these where i question the idea of god….

Fuck this cruel world.